Never Meant to Be
by Dojh167
Summary: It is the day of Hermione's wedding, and yet she is terrified. She is not ready to be married, and is being haunted by memories of a past romance. Is there still time for her to turn away, or will she be forced to go through with the marraige?


The air was still… frozen and suffocating. Even as she woke up that morning Hermione felt the overwhelming sense of helplessness.

She clung to her bed, not wanting to let go of the sheets, not wanting to get up, not wanting to give in… She refused to let her eyes open, telling herself that maybe if she refused to believe it, it would all go away, but she couldn't stop it: she couldn't keep the cold away, she couldn't stop the tears from coming, and she couldn't get out of putting on that wedding gown that was waiting for her…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_"'mione, get back here…" came the voice.___

_Hermione giggled playfully as she rolled over in the grass, avoiding his kiss. It was the sunniest day of the year and they were laying along the shore of the Hogwarts lake. They were in their seventh year and things could not have been more perfect.___

_He sat up and slowly crawled towards her, trying to get back within the range of her lips.___

_She giggled again, "Not now – Ohh… No, we can't we might get in trouble." She objected, but she could hardly bear to refuse herself the pleasure of his lips against hers, his hands running through her hair…___

_He laughed softly, "don't tell my you are honestly thinking about rules now – here…" he leaned towards her again, but did not make contact. Instead he sat, his face an inch away from her, knowing that she wished he were upon her.___

_Hermione turned her face away a little shamefully but then gave a small smile, "No, actually… I was thinking along the lines of something completely different."___

_"Care to tell me-" he kissed her neck gently, "-what you were thinking?"___

_She paused for a moment and then looked back at him mischievously, "you'll just have to wait and see, won't you, you naughty boy…"_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She could pretend it wasn't coming any more. Hermione begrudgingly pulled herself out of bed and slipped on the silk nightgown that lay on a chair near her bed.

She had slept without any clothes the night before. Ginny Weasley had told her to. She had done so the night before her wedding and said it had been like starting a whole new life. She said she had woken up feeling fresh and new and pure… Hermione only felt extra cold.

Slipping on a pair of slippers she thought about how much she hated winter. It was cold of death, leaving everybody shivering the bones and destroying every beautiful flower until spring would come again. She didn't know if spring ever would come again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_They were walking, hand in hand, along the edge of the forest. They were definitely not allowed to be out here this late at night but they had used the invisibility cloak to sneak out and Hermione was head girl – she could pretend to be after some younger students who had been out of bounds.___

_But beyond the perfect opportunity they had to escape, it was a simply beautiful night, with the stars shining vibrantly up above and the moon illuminating the grounds to a sort of dreamy and romantic perfection.___

_The young couple was walking slowly hand in hand, without real urgency – with the air and confidence of a pair who knew they would be together forever.___

_There was silence between them – not an uncomfortable silence of those who didn't know what words to use, but the beautiful and tranquil silence of those who knew that words were no longer needed.___

_Hermione was surprised when he broke the silence suddenly, saying, "I was thinking, when we are married, are we going to-"___

_"Wait a second…" she said, "Are we going to get married?" she looked at him suspiciously. Something deep inside each of them knew that they would be married, but neither of them had ever brought up the subject.___

_They had stopped walking, "Of course…" he said, looking at her as if unable to understand why she would question this, "We'll get married the moment this fighting is over, we'll have five kids, and we'll live happily ever after."___

_Hermione stared at him, "Happily ever after…" she murmured, more to herself than him, "Do you really believe in that?"___

_He took her hand and looked deep into her eyes, "No… At least I didn't," he kissed her hand, "…but now I have you."___

_Her doubts suddenly gone, they started walking again and she said suddenly, "I want to get married in the spring… perhaps May. With all the flowers blooming and new life appearing – it would be perfect."___

_"Okay." He nodded, "And we can have a huge wedding and party. Everybody will come. By that time I daresay people are going to need a reason to celebrate."___

_"It sounds absolutely perfect." She whispered dreamily, taking his hand in hers once again. "So... what's that you were saying again? 'when we are married…'"_

Hermione had succeeded in forcing herself out of bed, but she couldn't bring herself to leave the room. There was so much still to be done and, although she felt guilty hiding in her room while others were running about in panic trying to make her special day as perfect as possible, she was afraid to join them

Instead, she took to pacing the width of her bedroom, worrying dreadfully. After today everything would change. She did not know what to expect, and she wondered whether or not she would be able to handle it. She knew what it was to be in love, oh yes… But she didn't know what it was to be married.

She didn't know if she had the strength to face this day. She had made it through many long ceremonies in her life. She had made it through hard days and joyful ones. She had made it through tears, death, and heartbreak. She had made it through days that she had waited for years in excitement and fear. But now she didn't know if she could make it through her own wedding…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Graduation. After seven long years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, they were finally getting their reward.___

_Hermione had, of course, graduated at the very top of the class, getting countless school awards and setting a NEWT record. It had all been very hard earned as well – during her time at Hogwarts Hermione had spent most of the time hidden behind a pile of books, working on a long essay, or in the library (often all three of these at once).___

_But somehow none of that mattered right now. Sure, she was very pleased and proud of herself and had sat in her dormitory every night polishing her plaques and metals since she received them, but those were still only trivial matters.___

_What was really important, really mattered, was the wonderful young man standing beside her, looking as proud as she felt. She wondered for a brief moment if he was even paying attention to her, but decided not to give him a hard tine about it this once: they would surely get plenty of time alone together, for the years to come._

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Finally, she could hide herself in her room no longer. There was a great deal of noise coming from throughout the house, and every few minutes somebody would pass by her door and knock gently on it, trying to coax her into getting up. It was probably Ginny or someone… She was only glad that it wasn't _him._

Slowly she opened the doorway and walked through the halls and down the large staircase to the ground floor. Sure enough, people were bustling around the house, making all sorts of preparations. She knew that she was probably supposed to be doing something, but she couldn't help but try and avoid responsibility.

A man who Hermione did not know was carrying chairs down from the attic, and he stopped momentarily to stare at her before jerking his head away and hurrying off. Hermione wondered why for a moment until she realized that she was still wearing her slippers and silk nightgown that cut deeply into her chest. She didn't even bother covering herself up. It didn't matter… not today.

Once she reached the ground floor she stood at the huge glass doors that looked out upon the field behind the snow. This was where the wedding was to take place. It was not a large affair – just a couple of close friends and a few people of importance that would have come even if not invited.

The Minister of Magic was coming (surprisingly) with several individuals he worked with. There were also to be several reporters from different papers, including the infamous Rita Skeeter, or so the rumors went. Hermione knew all to well how to deal with Rita, but for some reason she felt absolutely no inclination to do so. She didn't care what they wrote about her anymore.

She looked out again at the field. Only a very tiny fraction of it was outfitted with chairs and decorations. The rest of the huge field was empty and deserted. As empty as the empty space Hermione was feeling inside her. Empty and snowy…

She hated snow.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_She had not seen him for over two weeks. He had gone off on a secret mission (she guessed searching for another horcrux) and insisted that she stay away. She had not objected much at the time because she trusted his judgment. ___

_But if she had known that he would be away this long he would have insisted on coming, no matter what he said. She had always gone along with them before and was perfectly capable of looking after herself. Not to mention she had at least twice the brains as him and her knowledge and cleverness was sure to come in handy – it always had.___

_But for whatever reason he had left her alone. Maybe because he wanted to keep her safe, maybe because he thought he had to go alone, or maybe because he wouldn't be able to aim properly while staring at her – he tended to do that quite a bit.___

_But whatever the reason, Hermione was feeling extremely sour about it. Apart from being annoyed that he didn't think she could look out for herself (or whatever it was he thought), she had been worried sick about him. ___

_She had always been fine when she was with them because she knew what was going on, but this waiting in fear and not knowing was killing her. She had not been able to sleep a single night since they had left, and that was a lot of nights.___

_She sat, counting the hours, waiting for her hero to appear. If only he would stop saving the world and come back to save her…_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Why, look who has decided to get out of bed…"

Hermione jumped, but was relieved to see that it was only Ginny Weasley standing behind her, "Oh! Hello Ginny."

She had always been able to confide anything to Ginny. Having always had boys for friends, when Ginny came to Hogwarts they had become good friends. Hermione had always felt that there was not a thing that she couldn't talk to Ginny about… but somehow she thought that she would have to keep her mouth shut this time. This was one thing that Ginny would not be able to understand.

"I sure hope you aren't going to where that for the ceremony," Ginny said seriously, looking at her friend with mild concern.

It took Hermione a moment to realize that it was a joke and then she laughed nervously, "Oh! Uh… no. I guess I was going to where… a dress…"

Ginny stared at her, no longer trying to joke, "'mione, are you all right? You seem a little…"

"No, I'm fine," Hermione interrupted her, perhaps a little too quickly, "Really… just nervous."

She had a feeling that her friend didn't believe her, but there were no further questions or accusations, "Come on, you need to eat… There are some refreshments in the kitchen."

Hermione was about to object and say that she wasn't hungry, but realized that it was best not to get Ginny too suspicious. She was a nice girl, but when she really wanted to get to the bottom of something, she would.

There were a lot of things that she didn't want to do at the moment. She didn't want to help with the preparations, she didn't want to eat, she didn't want to talk to Ginny… And she really, _really _didn't want to get married.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Hermione had fallen asleep on the couch of their tiny apartment. Her hair was frazzled and she had halfway slipped of onto the floor. She was deep asleep, making up for the minimal amount of sleep she had obtained recently (they still had not returned).___

_But despite her deep sleep, the moment the door creaked open and a figure appeared, she leaped up. She had been doing so a lot lately – waking at the slightest sign of a sound, hoping to see him standing there for her. ___

_Normally it was only a muggle car driving through the night outside, or nothing at all. But this time she could make out the distinct figure of her beloved in the doorway.___

_She had been imagining what she would say when he returned (if he ever did) all of this time. She thought that she would have shouted that she loved him, or demanded an explanation, or shouted at him for not taking her with him. But she couldn't do any of that. ___

_Instead she leaped up and threw her arms around her, sobbing, "Oh darling…" she whispered, "I thought – I thought you had died…"___

_He did not respond at once. He just let her sob into his shoulder holding him tight until at last he pulled away and limped over to the couch where she had been sleeping and sat down.___

_Hermione looked upon him with horror, "But… you're hurt!"___

_It was pointless for him to object, so he nodded dully, but it was not even necessary. He was covered in bruises and cuts, some of them recent and some of them he seemed to have had been there for some time. He looked absolutely exhausted and strained – it seemed to be a mercy that he had made it all the way up the flight of stairs to their apartment without collapsing, although she didn't know for sure that he hadn't.___

_Hermione had no idea what was wrong with him, but she knew she had to help. She immedietley headed for the kitchen to get a wet rag, some bandages, her wand, and whatever what would help. "Stay there, I'll just-"___

_But before she could finish he interrupted firmly, "No. You will sit down and relax."___

_She stared at him, "But… I have to help you!"___

_He sighed, "If you want to help me, then sit down. I have been away for over a month, every day and night wishing that I could be with you… Now that I am back, please don't make me wait any longer."___

_"Oh." Hermione said briefly. She slowly went back and sat by his side uncomfortably, questions buzzing in her head. Finally she burst out, "Well? Did you do it – find a horcrux? Did you help destroy it? Can we kill Voldemort now? Will you take me with you next time? What about-"___

_"Hermione!" He shouted weakly, silencing her.___

_Hermione wanted to speak again, but finally she sighed, "I'm sorry… I just miss you. I hate you being away."___

_He wrapped an arm around her, "Don't worry 'mione… I'll never leave you again. I promise."_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Okay, now just breath in and hold your breath and I'll zip it up. No, tighter! Come on, it'll just be a couple of seconds, then you'll only… have to put up with this horrible dress for the rest of the day – urgh!"

They were in the bride's dressing room and Ginny, who had been chosen as the Maid of Honor, was trying to zip Hermione into her wedding dress.

"I don't know why they make these things so difficult…" Ginny muttered, "I swear, it took about twenty crazy bridesmaids to get me into my wedding dress…"

Hermione would have said something about how awful the dress was as well, but nothing came to mind. Besides, Hermione had bigger things to worry about than her stupid dress. If she was lucky the dress wouldn't get on then maybe she wouldn't have to get married at all.

"Hermione…" Ginny said slowly, "Do you want to talk? I know what it's like, I can help…"

For a brief moment Hermione considered: should she tell Ginny? It would nice to have somebody to talk to, and after all, Ginny was to some degree going through the same thing as her. But she soon decided not to.

"Thanks Ginny, but… I think I just want to be alone for a while. Is that okay?"

She almost thought that Ginny was going to stay and insist answers, but she graciously got up and left Hermione alone I the room.

Alone again at last, she stood up, and walked about the room, slowly examining everything it contained. Most of the room was covered with a variation of wedding gifts and flowers. She tried not to look at the gifts, and she looked upon the flowers with the greatesr disgust. They were not as flowers should be, in their natural bloom and beauty. No real pure flower could survive in this intense cold and snow. They were not at all like the flowers that she had once dreamed of having at her beautiful large spring wedding… but that was all over now.

As she circulated about the room she found herself standing in front of the huge mirror in front of which Ginny had attempted to zip her up. She stared into it at her reflection. She could not deny it: she looked very much like a bride. Her hair was done up in a most extravagant manner, she was wearing makeup that made her gentle, beautiful face appear even more so, and the dress… well, the dress was beautiful, it could not be denied: full and regal and white as snow… She hated snow.

She realized that the fact that the dress would not zip was the only thing that kept her from being a bride. She stood there, wishing for the dress never to get zipped up. As she stared deeper into the mirror she realized something:

Soon, perhaps the next time she looked into this mirror, she would be staring at the strange face of Mrs. Hermione Potter.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_After the night when he returned the two of them spent more and more time together. He seemed to have realized while he was gone how precious and easily lost love and life really were, so he sat a little closer to her, spoke a little softer, held her a little tighter, and kissed her a little fiercer.___

_Hermione really didn't mind the change. It seemed to ensure that she would not be left behind again. Also, she had missed him so much that he only cared so much how he was acting, as long as he was there with her.___

_They had many pleasurable days in each others company. For some reason there wasn't oto much fighting going on, so those who had most recently gone to destroy the horcrux were able to return to health and spend time with those who they had left to worry at home.___

_There were many things that went unsaid between them. Hermione never got her answers to what exactly had happened while he was gone, but he seemed satisfied just to be with her, so she forced herself to be so as well.___

_The silence that they had experienced together was back, but this time it was different. Instead of a doubtless bond of love between them, things were beginning to change. They still loved each other deeply, but now as Hermione was distracted by countless questions and he would not be straight with her, they were slowly starting to drift aparty. They both wished that they could let go and return to how things had been just a short while ago, but neither of them could.___

_It was a warm summer's day, and they sat on a bench in the park of Ottery St. Catchpole, near the Burrow. Neither of them spoke, as always, while they watched a noisy bunch of small children running through the trees, playing tag.___

_Hermione couldn't help but laugh a little as she watched them. They were so full of life and energy... Despite all of the awful things happening al around them, they somehow managed to retain their joy and innocence. She wondered: if the innocence and laughter of children could be preserved through a time of war… was the same true about love?___

_As if he had been reading her mind, the man beside her gently wrapped his arm around her and whispered, "I love you 'mione…"___

_After a long pause, Hermione said at last, "I know." ___

_She didn't know why she hadn't told him that she loved him as welt. It was one of the things that she would regret for the rest of her life,_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hello."

Hermione did not need to look up to see who it was. She was sitting in a chair beside the window, looking out at the awful snow with all of the hate that she could muster when his figure appeared in the doorway.

Without looking up at him she murmured, "You know, muggles say that it is bad luck for the groom to see the bride before a wedding."

She looked up at him, almost accusingly, as Harry slowly entered the room, "Well… it is sure a good thing we aren't muggles then." He pulled up a chair and sat down as well, "but then again, I suppose we could use all the luck we can get."

Hermione stared at him curiously. He was dressed wonderful and looked absolutely gorgeous. It killed Hermione that she didn't care. There were so many girls in the world better than she who would love him and treat him the way he deserved, but she knew she never would – never could.

But something about him made Hermione stare, although she couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. He wasn't nervous or fearful or excited, but there was something else… Hermione realized that it was sadness. She didn't know if he was upset because she was not happy or if it was something else… was he having second thoughts as well?

There was a brief pause in which they stared at each other, both wanting, wishing, regretting… It was Harry who broke the silence, "I er… Look, I wanted to say-" but he didn't seem capable of saying what he so desperately wanted to. He paused, "Er… Hermione? You had better, uh… come out soon." He said lamely as he stood up and turned towards the door.

"I can't." Hermione said at once.

He turned around and stared at her with shock etched into his face, "What?" he asked, alarmed, "Why not?"

Hermione was breathing deeply. Was she really going to call it all off, right here and now – hours before their wedding? She could very easily. It would break his heart, but she could do it

"I, uh…" she said, searching for words. But she couldn't seem to manage to say what she wanted to either, "Well you see Harry, I… I can't get my dress zipped up."

Harry looked immensely relieved at this as he hurried forward to help her, "Oh no problem Hermione, stand up."

"Oh no really, I can manage…"

But he ignored her objections and helped her out of her chair, leading her over to the edge of the room, "All right. So you stand here and press against the wall hard with your hands like this, okay? And at the same time push just as hard on the ground with your feet. Can you do that? Oh yea, and remember-"

"Yea, yea: just don't breath." She said as she positioned herself against the wall. She flinched as she felt his hands gently touch her back as he fumbled for the zipper. His hands were strange and foreign to her, making her feel overly tense and unprotected. But she told herself bitterly that she would have to get used to them.

"Okay: One, two… three!"

It took them an enormous amount of combined effort, but they finally managed to force the dress all of the way on her and secure it. Hermione was left trying to catch her breath, and Harry collapsed back into his chair.

"That's quite some dress…" he muttered.

"Yea I've heard – Ginny just about wrecked the room in frustration when she couldn't get it on." For a moment Hermione caught a strange look in Harry's eyes, and wondered if there was anything going on between them, even now. But she somehow found that she didn't care if he was being faithful or not.

"I'm surprised you could manage to get it on me…" she said, trailing off.

Harry shrugged, "Yea, well… I've managed horcruxes and Dark Lords – who says I can't handle a wedding dress?"

Hermione laughed a little for the first time, but inside she was asking, _"Yes, but can you handle an actual wedding?" _She longed to voice the question, but she was unsure whether it was meant for him or her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_They were in a very nice little restaurant. It was small and yet fancy and cozy at the same time. It was one of the muggle places. It was always almost impossible to find peace in a Wizarding restaurant these days. Besides the high energy level that seemed to fill at magical place normally, everybody was paranoid about the war. ___

_The muggles obviously knew that something was up, but because they were not aware of just how serious the situation was, most of them were able to go on with their lives as usual, including the running of romantic little restaurants.___

_"Honey, what's up?" Hermione said looking up at them, halfway through the meal. She had been trying not to ask him, but her curiosity got the better of her, "You never take me out to dinner…"___

_He looked up at her, but then diverted his eyes, "Oh it is, uh… nothing. I just thought you… would like a break from cooking, that's all." ___

_"Ah-ha! So the truth come out…" Hermione said laughing, "You hate my food, is that it?"___

_He stared at her, "No… it's wonderful. You're wonderful. I just…" he looked away again.___

_"Hun, what's wrong?" she asked, pulling her chair closer to his, very concerned, "Don't worry, you know I am here…"___

_He nodded and wiped his mouth briefly with his napkin. However, Hermione was still worried about him. If he was upset about something then she wanted to know what it was and be able to help.___

_"Oops-" he said feebly, "I, uh… dropped my napkin. Can you grab it for me 'mione?"___

_Hermione obediently sank down the table and reached her arm out to grab it, but as she took up the partially folded napkin it felt strangely heavy. She examined it closely, and out fell a beautiful golden ring. She gaped at it. ___

_Moments later she came up from under the table and there he was, down on one knee: "Hermione Granger, will you marry me?"___

_She stared at him for a long time, almost in shock, tears welling up in her eyes. Then suddenly she cried, "Oh, yes darling!" and threw herself into his arms, wanting desperately to kiss whatever part of him she could reach first._

It was time.

Everybody was ready. The guests were all in their seats, waiting for the ceremony to begin. Harry had left and Ginny had come by to wish her luck. The day was drawing to a close. She was terrified.

She had at most another three minutes, and then she would be led out there, like a witch being taken to be burned. She remembered learning about the witch burnings in History of Magic back at school and wished desperately that she could just cast a simple flame freezing charm and make it all go away… but she couldn't.

She had dreamed of her wedding for years as a happy, joyful occasion. But in those dreams she had no imagined the nightmares she would have, the dress, the strange guests , the snow, or the man that she didn't know how to love.

So here she sat, kissing her dreams good-bye one by one, as she cried hopelessly into her hands. She didn't care that she would smear her makeup, didn't care that she was getting dirt on her snowy white dress, didn't care about anything…

All she could do was sit and cry and wish, because she knew that this was never meant to be.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_"Hermione, we need to talk."___

_She laughed, "We are talking, aren't we? But I know something better we could do…"___

_"Hermione…." He said sternly.___

_"Oh, very well… but then afterwards I get to show you what I want to do."___

_"Hermione. I'm serious!" ___

_"Oh! And you think I'm not?" she said in a voice of mock offense.___

_However, seeing how much he meant it, she allowed him to pull her away from the crowd and into the hallway. "Look, we need to talk."___

_"Yes, you said that…" Hermione knew that she was being very difficult, but all of the people and excitement (and a couple of drinks) had apparently gone to her head.___

_He let out a great sigh, "Look, we are going off to this battle tomorrow and I'm very worried…"___

_She stared at him, her humor evaporating, "What? You aren't seriously planning on leaving me behind again are you? Because I swear, I won't let you! I'll-"___

_But he shook his head and gestured for her to be quiet, "No 'mione, I know you have to come."___

_She looked at him curiously, "Well then what…"___

_It seemed to be taking him a great amount of effort to say this, but he forced himself to go on, "We are all going off to fight tomorrow for what is probably going to be the last time. If all goes well, then you-know-who and his followers will be destroyed, but many of us won't make it back. Hermione, it is very likely that I won't make it through this…"___

_She stared at him, her mouth now hanging open. "But…" she said, "Why should you die? You have just as much chance of dying as anyone else does-"___

_He nodded grimly, "More. But that chance is already pretty big already."___

_Hermione couldn't believe her ears, "Why are you telling me this?"___

_He looked at her sadly and then said, "Because… if I do die," tears began to well up in Hermione's eyes even as he spoke, "If I don't come back, I need you to make me a promise."___

_Hermione already had one hand over her face – she couldn't bear to hear him speak like this, and she didn't even dare to believe it was possible. "What?"___

_"I want you to promise," he said very slowly with much difficulty, although not quite the same amount of pain as he was causing her, "…that if I don't return that you won't give up."___

_"On what?" she asked, alarmed.___

_"Everything." He said simply, "I know how much you love me, but if things don't go how we want, then I need you to keep yourself living. Don't blame yourself and don't try to hold onto me. If I have to leave the world knowing that you are going to make yourself miserable, then it will be a hundred times more painful than my actual death."___

_Hermione stared at him, "you can't ask me to do this…"___

_"You have to!" he insisted, "don't you see? It is the only way-"___

_"No it isn't!" Hermione cried, "It can't be… I won't believe it." She quickly brushed a few tears out of her eyes, but more kept coming, "Why do you have to do this? There are plenty of other people to risk their necks, why do you have to join in?!"___

_"Hermione…" ___

_"No! I won't… I can't…" she broke down sobbing. He wrapped his arms around her, running his fingers through her hair, allowing her to cry into his shoulder. She whispered something that he could hardly hear.___

_"What?" he asked, pulling away so that he could see her face.___

_Her eyes were wide and her voice sincere. She opened her mouth again and said solemnly, "I could die."___

_He shook his head at once, "No you can't," he said confidently.___

_"Why not?" she demanded, "Do you honestly think that you are the only one noble enough to risk your life?" she looked about ready to explode. "Why shouldn't I die? If you can, I can as well!" She paused and added slowly, "you said yourself how high the risk is… I am not any different than any of the others, except at more of a risk."___

_But he said again, "No. You are not going to die." Hermione was unsure whether he was saying this because he refused to believe it, or because he somehow knew.___

_She glared at him, "How are you so sure?"___

_He lifted his arm and rubbed his hand against her cheek. She felt suddenly soothed, and once again there was that something deep inside her that no matter what happened they would be fine, as long as they were together… She didn't want him to let go.___

_"You are not going to die 'mione…" he said softly and comfortingly, "because you are to good… You are young and beautiful and clever and strong and you have my love… The world would not be so cruel as to take you away."___

_Hermione whispered slowly, "I have known the world to do such cruel things…" but she felt reassured nonetheless. "I'm sorry."___

_She fell into his arms, and he held her tightly. She could tell that he did not want to let go either. After holding each other for some time, he whispered, "There is one more thing…"___

_Hermione didn't know if she could bare anything else, but she nodded, looking up at him.___

_"If I…" he couldn't bring himself to say It this time, "If I don't come back…" he gulped. She knew that this was somehow harder for him to say than what he had said before, but that he felt it was necessary. "I want you to forget me…"___

_"Oh, I could never-"___

_"You must. You'll find somebody else and you'll settle down and forget about me."___

_"I could never love anybody other than you." She said truthfully.___

_He nodded, "Yes… I know."___

_They stood beside each other, looking in on the room from the hall where they stood, "What about him?" he asked, nodding towards a man sitting alone in the corner, his head in his hands.___

_Hermione looked back up at him in surprise, "I never thought…"___

_"I know. But he would do nicely…" She couldn't believe he was doing this. She still couldn't bring herself to terms with the knowledge that this may be their last night together. "He cares for you. And he will need somebody to be with… His girlfriend has just run off and gotten married with some other man. I'm worried about him, you know? But he'll take care of you. And I know you could love him."___

_Hermione stared at the man in the room and then said, "I could never love him half as much as I love you, but I will try."___

_He took her hands in his, "Do you promise?" he asked, "Do you promise to move on with life… to let me pass on?"___

_Hermione took a deep breath and whispered, the tears returning to her eyes, "I do."_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Here she was. After all of that planning and worrying and crying, she was finally getting married. She stood, Harry by her side, knowing that her time was up.

She had hoped so desperately that something would happen – that something would get in the way and stop it from happening. But nothing had and now, she felt, she was doomed for the rest of her life.

She heard the man who was marrying them speak of the beauty of their marriage and how they had been meant for each other, how they became the best of friends at a young age, and how their love was meant to be.

He didn't say that he had hated her from the start. He didn't say that the first time he had considered being civil to her was after she had lied for him and he had attacked a mountain troll. He didn't say that this was not how it was supposed to be… She didn't even bother listening to him.

She realized with a jolt, standing there in the snow in her awful dress, that it wasn't to late after all. She was not married yet – she could still put all of this nonsense to an end! Her heart was suddenly beating hard with excitement as she glanced around.

How fortunate it was that they had been that they were having the ceremony out here. She could just start running at any moment and there would be no walls there to hold her in. She couldn't help but grin inwardly as she imagined the field day that Rita Skeeter and her photographer would have with this one.

She was sorely tempted to take off running at that very moment into the undisturbed snow, but she had to wait until the perfect moment… If she was going to do this she might as well do it well as to leave the biggest shock possible.

And even as she stood there, a plan was forming in her head. Harry had decided they would right their own vows, and she would do hers second. She wouldn't give the ones she had written before… She would make it look like it was them, but they would be about something different: Not about how their love was perfect, but how it was never meant to be. And then… she would run.

She was relatively pleased with her plan, but as the ceremony went on she asked herself where she would go. She had nobody… just Harry. And she didn't think that she would be able to face him after that.

Her eyes darted wildly around the scene and fell on Ginny. Of course, she would take her in… The girl would be very sympathetic. They were friends and had both forced themselves to leave him. Yes, she would understand.

All doubts now out of her mind, Hermione stood tall and proud, venomously thinking how she hated all of this as she pretended to listen to what was going on.

But then something strange happened… Harry caught her eye. In that one moment she saw that him absolutely beaming: this was supposed to be the happiest day of his life.

She suddenly realized that she didn't have it in her to break poor Harry's heart. He hadad been put through so much in such short period time and had lost nearly everything – except for her. Could she really take away the only hope he had left for happiness?

She was stuck, between wanting to get her way, and allowing him to be happy. She tried to tell herself that he deserved better than her (which he did), but she knew that if she did this, it may very well be the final straw for Harry.

But before she could come to a decision, she realized with a bit of a shock that the vows had already begun, and Harry was speaking. She tried to force herself to listen to him, but her heart was pounding too fiercely and her mind was racing… what would she do?

She could tell that Harry was nervous, but not nearly as frightened as her. He finally fell silent, and looked over at her, smiling affectionately and expectantly. They all had their eyes on her.

"Uh…" she said, looking around in all directions, "Hi." She laughed nervously, but the audience just sat, staring at her.  
_  
__Come on, make something up… _she thought.

"Well. Er… I kind of… forgot my vows." She knew that would not go over well and could already see Rita Skeeter, peering up at her over her jeweled glasses.

"But that's okay" she said, her voice very meekly quiet, "Because they weren't that good anyway…" She felt everybody's eyes boring into her and felt terrified.  
_  
__It doesn't matter what they think, just do it._

She sighed and turned to look at the man she was supposed to be marrying, "Harry…" she whispered, "I'm sorry."  
_  
__That's it, don't be afraid..._

She turned back to the audience, away from Harry's confused face and said, "Harry and I met about ten years ago…" she began, "To tell the truth it wasn't quite love as first sight. I suppose I wasn't the most likeable person… uptight and bossy and afraid."

_Hurry up…_

"Even once we became friends we had our differences. I was much more concerned with what my grade on my latest Transfiguration assignment was, and he was off trying to save the world…"

_How long are you going to drag this out for?_

"But… as time went on and we were pushed and shoved into the times of great crisis that we have all experienced over these past years. Harry was of course at the center of it all, and I felt very distant. I wanted to help him in any way I could, but there were just so many things between us…"

_Yea, like you loved somebody else!_

"I did my very best to help in whatever ways I could, but no matter how many clever ideas and strategies I gave him, it somehow never seemed to be enough. I didn't know why… He was doing wonderfully and the end of the War was approaching fast, and yet there still seemed to be something missing."

_What, are you just making stuff up now?_

She took in a deep breath and went on, "I realized what it was that you needed from me that you were not getting… it was my love."  
_  
__Wait, I thought you were supposed to be getting out of this mess!_

She forced herself to go on, "I had always been there for him in body and mind, but never truly in heart and soul. It was very hard, after all those years, to completely change, but I did for his sake and mine – because deep down we truly loved each other."  
_  
__This is just too much…_  
She turned back to him, forcing herself to look him in the eyes, "I, Hermione Granger, hereby promise to be yours. To comfort and love and cherish for all of our lives and to learn to love each other as a beloved couple who were really meant to be together."

But she was trembling. Because this was never meant to be.

Silence greeted her long speech, and Harry was staring at her, his mouth open. She didn't even dare look at Ginny.

After a pause that felt like an eternity, the ceremony slowly started to resume itself. Hermione felt numb to the bone as she took Harry's hand in hers and slipped the wedding ring onto his finger saying, her voice stale, "With this ring, I thee wed."

He was still staring at her most peculiarly, but took her hand as well and placed the ring on her finger. She felt like she was being imprisoned. Tears ran freely down her lush cheeks as he repeated, "With this ring, I thee wed."

Time seemed to freeze. She had let it happen. She had not told him that they couldn't do this, had not run, had not screamed in terror. It was to late now.

"In as much as you have consented together in this ceremony to live in wedlock and have sealed your vows in the presence of this company and by the giving of these rings, it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife… You may kiss the bride."

Hating herself, Hermione closed her eyes and allowed him to lean gently towards her and kiss her tear-stained lips, the sun setting behind them.

Hermione had made many terrible decisions in her life that had changed her forever, and she feared that this was one of them.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_"Hermione, duck!"___

_Hermione jumped out of the way just in time as the archway under which she had been fighting collapsed, throwing heavy stone everywhere. She didn't know who had warned her, but it didn't matter at the moment. The man who she had been fighting had escaped… She dashed around the mound of fallen stone and spotted him, fleeing through the smoke that lingered through the air. She chased after him, her wand out and her guard alert.___

_It was the middle of the Final Battle. The entire order of the Phoenix (or what was left of them) and a number of Aurors and warriors from the ministry were fighting head on with an alarming force of Death Eaters and dark creatures in the devastated ruins of a town called Little Hangleton.___

_It was impossible to say who was winning. There were bodies strewn everywhere, but nobody wasted a single moment with the victims. There was chaos everywhere: screams and shrieks and smoke and blood filled the place, but they all fought on bravely.___

_Each and every one of them knew that it hardly matted who lived and who died, because the final result of this gruesome match of good and evil was not in their hands.___

_At the top of the hill that rose above the destroyed town stood an ancient house. The house was shaking and quivering and emitting alarming amounts of smoke and strange colored flashes. Inside were the Dark Lord Voldemort and The Chosen One, Harry Potter. They had been fighting in that house for the longest time, and nobody dared to ask themselves what was happening in there.___

_Hermione, dodging jets of light that were flying in all directions, chased fiercely after the Death Eater who had attacked her, "Stupefy!" she cried again and again, but she only narrowly missed the swish of his torn robes as he fled deeper into the chaos.___

_She could not lose him… She had a strange hatred building up inside of her ready to explode, a most enormous contempt for all of those evil wizarsd who had worked so hard to ruin their world… and she would not let them succeed.___

_"Impedimenta!" She shrieked, and this time the spell hit its target. The hooded man continued attempting to flee, but was considerably slowed, and Hermione was able to catch up to him.___

_As she approached she was filled with extreme dislike. Wand forgotten, she charged at the retreating figure and tackled him, causing them both to fall into the blood stained dirt. ___

_All sense abandoned, she started punching at the man fiercely. She didn't even know why she wanted to kill him so badly, but she did, and she knew that she was feeling the strongest hate that she ever had towards anybody.___

_She punched him again and again, causing his blood to splatter onto her arms, but she did not stop hitting him even as his hood fell away and revealed the sleek blonde hair and pale face of Draco Malfoy.___

_He looked up at her in fear in his eyes as she towered over him menacingly. "I hate you!" she shrieked. She had endured Malfoy's taunts and tortures for six long years at Hogwarts, and his involvement with the Death Eaters and the death of Dumbledore was enough to make her want to kill him, and his terrified expression gave Hermione the utmost pleasure.___

_"You deserve to die…" she said angrily, pulling out her wand and pointing it at his head, "I should kill you right here…"___

_For a moment Malfoy looked as though he was going to try and start running again, but he suddenly regained his usual smirk, "What are you afraid of, Granger?" he asked, leering.___

_"What?" Hermione asked sharply, still pointing g her want at him.___

_He laughed in a low, hollow voice and said, "Are you afraid to die?"___

_Hermione was alarmed, "What? I - what are you talking about?"___

_But he just kept laughing, "Or is it something else… What would terrify you beyond measure?" He seemed to have really lost it. He wasn't even able to focus on her, and was looking somewhere over her left shoulder.___

_She stared at him, unsure what he was onto, "I should kill you…" she said again.___

_But his laughter only continued, "Yes, I suppose you should, Granger. But you seem to have forgotten something."___

_"What's that?" she demanded.___

_He would not stop Laughing, "I'm a Death Eater… SECTUMSEPRA!" ___

_Hermione raised her wand and called out, "Protego!" conjured a shield charm immedietley to protect herself. But instead of the transparent shield vibrating as the spell hit it, it made no movement.___

_"Ha! You missed." She said savagely to Malfoy, still lying in the dirt.___

_But he had the most evil and twisted look of glee on his face, "No… I hit you. I hit you right in the heart."___

_Hermione didn't know what he was on about until she realized that he still wasn't looking at her. She followed his gaze over her shoulder, his sickly cackling still ringing in her ears.___

_She let out a terrible gasp. "No!" Without giving Malfoy another thought, she darted over to where the body of her fiancé lay. ___

_"He's hurt Hermione. He's hurt bad…" came the frantic voice of Ginny.___

_Hermione fell down to the ground and grabbed his body, tears falling down her face, "No, no… It can't be!"___

_He wasn't quite dead, but his blood was spurting out all over the place, drenching both of them. She immedietley attempted a healing charm, but realized with a terrible shock that Harry had said back in their sixth year that Snape, the Half Blood Prince, had been the only one who had known how to cure the wounds.___

_"Honey?" she said, trembling all over as she held him in her arms, "I'm here… It's Hermione."___

_He moaned, struggling to get out of her grasp, struggling to get free of the pain.___

_"Don't worry…" she whispered as she cradled him in her arms. I'm here… I'm going to take care of you…" She rocked back and forth, holding him close to her, tears flooding freely from her eyes.___

_He couldn't die… not now! They had been through so much together and the war was so close to an end. How could this happen? It was all her fault… she should have killed Malfoy when she had the chance. She realized now that he had probably already fled, but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything else if he died…___

_"Hold in there," she whispered into his ear, trying not to cry, but unable to hold back the tears. "Oh please! I can't go on without you I need you…"___

_"'mione…" he moaned. It obviously was taking him a great deal of energy to speak, and even as he did so he coughed blood out of his mouth.___

_"Yes?" she said alertly. He was speaking, that was good… Maybe he would make it through after all… maybe it would all be all right… She cupped his face in her hands, "What is it dear?"___

_"You…" he started, but was interrupted as a great deal of blood came flowing out of his mouth. It was most painful for Hermione to watch, but she didn't care look away for one moment, "You p-promised…" he whispered.___

_"Wait, don't go! I'm here, no…" But even as she spoke, crying terribly, she felt his body grow limp in her arms and his life leave him.___

_"Noo!" she shrieked, "No you can't! Don't go… Don't! I love you! I love…" she broke off in hysterical sobs.___

_A hand reached for her shoulder, but she pulled away, "No! He's not dead! He's not… Please, come back…" she stared into his eyes, hating him for not obeying her, "Come back! I won't let you die!" she shook him terribly, sending blood and sweat flying off his body, but he did not move.___

_"Hermione…" came Ginny's stunned voice, "He's gone… it's over."___

_Even when she heard the words, Hermione could not believe them. She cried harder and harder, clutching his body closer and closer to herself. But she was forced to come to the realization that in her arms lay the body of her dead lover, Ron Weasley, as the first snow of the year became to fall._

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was over. It was all over. She could almost not bear to go on with herself now. Why had she done it? Why had she allowed herself to marry him? She had a wide and open opportunity to back out, and yet she didn't take it. And now she was stuck. With Harry. Forever.

She was sitting in the bride's changing room in the house for the second time that day, refusing to go outside. The reception was now being held out in the field and, although she had tried to force herself through it, she couldn't bare being out there.

She hated herself. It was entirely her fault that all of this was happening, and so here she sat, alone and married and a little bit more of her dying every moment.

"Hermione?" She heard Harry's voice and hated herself even more. Why hadn't she been able to leave him? It was like he had said: he had handled horcruxes and Dark Lords, who was to say he couldn't handle a breakup?

"May I come in?"

She did not respond. She did not look at him. She did not stop hating herself.

He lingered in the doorway for a moment and then seemed to decide to enter. He silently crossed the room and pulled up a chair once again. It was like that afternoon all over again, except that then she still had hope that she would be able to escape this fate. But the snow had fallen, the dress had been zipped, and the vows had been made: there was no going back now.

"Are you okay, Hermione?" he asked uneasily.

She hated herself even more for ruining his day by being so awful, but she still did not respond.

Realizing that it would be kind of a one sided conversation, Harry said, "Er… well that's over with isn't it? I was quite nervous, I admit… But you looked terrified. You should have talked to Ginny or someone. It isn't good to get so stressed out on your wedding day… What was with your vows anyway?" he asked.

Hermione, finally being forced to speak, muttered, "I had to say something…"

"So you lied?"

She nodded. She really didn't know what to say. So little felt worth saying right now.

"Hermione…" he said, trying to get her to look at him, "I really want you to be happy… I know we can make this work if we really want to."

But did they really want to? She said nothing.

"If it helps anything, I wish things had turned out differently as well. But somehow or another we all ended up where we are now, and we can only hope that it is for the best…" he sighed, "But after all we have been through none of us can help but wish that things had turned out a little differently… or not happened at all."

For the first time she looked up at him. She didn't expect herself to say anything, but the words came out, her voice now hoarse from crying all day, "I'm glad it happened…"

He stared at her, "Are you really? After everything we have both been through and lost? After having been robbed our childhoods and surrounded by death?"

Hermione nodded, not even sure why.

"I don't know if I could say the same. I mean, I'm glad I did it and the fighting is over, but you almost wish… if only…"

"It's like they say," Hermione said, "'Better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all…' and like you said: If it hadn't all happened, we wouldn't have ended up here at all."

She was surprised that they were having an almost normal conversation at last. It wasn't on the most cheerful of subjects, but at least they were speaking. Had it taken a marriage to bring them together?

But thinking this, she became ashamed. Angry with herself once again for forgetting to hate herself and this marriage. What was she saying? Of course she regretted it all. Of course…

She fell back into silence and Harry kept trying to bring things up, although not as desperately as he had before. He more or less sat there talking to himself and, despite herself, Hermione listened, while examining the complicated ruffles and folds of her dress.

She didn't know how long they stayed in there, but she did not care at all about the irritated guests waiting outside in the night for them to appear. She would rather they just would disappear and she could stay here, listening to Harry talk of nothing at all.

She actually liked it. She didn't have to worry about speaking or responding and if she didn't like what he said, then she could just not listen. But she somehow found the sound of his voice extremely comforting. It was nothing like the man's she had loved, and yet it was gentle and sensitive and reminded her of times past when everything had been all right.

Finally, he couldn't ignore the guests outside any longer and stood up, "Well, I guess I'll have to go out and face them… Will you please come out soon?"

Hermione nodded, not even sure if she planned to keep this promise.

As he started to leave, she called, "Wait, Harry-"

He turned back towards her and looked at her with mild surprise and expectancy, "Yes?"

She looked at her hands and twisted her new wedding ring around her finger anxiously. She did not say anything for a moment and then looked up at him, "Do you think it would all be different," she began, "If he… If Ron were still alive?"

Harry looked at her, let out a deep sigh, and walked back to her from across the room. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and said, looking straight into her eyes solemnly, "Yes… I do."

They stared at each other for some time after this and something inside each of them seemed to fall into place inside of each of them.

And with that, they both turned and walked out of the room, hand in hand.

It may not be meant to be, it may not even be possible. But it was there, and they were going to do their best to make it work.


End file.
